I love those days when you find exactly what you need. You don’t even know you need it until BAM it hits you deep and you’re sitting there sinking into your seat because you’re embarrassed. And sometimes you’re bursting with happiness because it’s a confirmation of what you needed to hear.
Either way, it’s a moment where you get some sort of peace. An answer in the silence, a head nod that yes, someone is listening.
Sometimes it comes in a conversation, someone without knowing what I’m going through will say words that speak to my heart. Sometimes it happens in a song, or on a quiet drive by myself. But usually it happens at church.
And today was one of those moments. I have been really angry about things in my life these past few weeks (also why I haven’t been writing). Maybe angry isn’t the word…betrayed is more like it. There has also been a combo of bad news and bad results. Lots of tears, stress, and worry.
When it rains it pours, I guess.
But, I was sitting in church today and the priest is giving his homily. To be honest, the homily is my favorite part of the mass because the priest uses this time to “translate” the readings into our daily lives. In other words, he helps us understand the message and apply it to our daily life.
So there I am, not that thrilled to be there (just being honest…) because I have been praying hard. Prayer has just been pouring out of me: praying for this, praying for them, praying for everything to be over, for Him to back off a little. I had my full trust in Him, I knew that He would see me through. And then these past few weeks happened and I felt crushed. I mean, He only gives us things we can handle, but man, how much can a person take? The cards the people I love have been dealt lately are so unfair.
Then the priest says, “Do you ever have a bad day?” and I’m thinking um, yeah, try bad weeks, Father. He continues by talking about how even on our bad days, God is with us. How he cares and never leaves our side. It made me think of the song Blessings by Laura Story. Some of the lyrics are: “what if Your blessings come through raindrops, what if Your healing comes through tears, what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near, what if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy, what if trials of this life, the rain the storms the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise.”
This was one of those moments I was sinking into my chair. God doesn’t abandon us. He carries us, just like the footprints in the sand story. Then I swear Father was speaking to me when he said this, “So in those times when we are having a bad time, we shouldn’t pray for it to be over. For it to go away. For Him to back off. We should pray for Him to be with us, to guide us, and care for us.”
Sometimes all it takes is a little reminder, no matter where you find it. You are not alone. You are so greatly loved. And things don’t always work out as planned, they don’t always have a reason or a happy ending, but in the midst of the chaos you can find what you need.